Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Although I love cloudy, rainy days, today I'm feeling especially melancholy.  As I sit here gazing out my livingroom window I am remembering the anniversary of my sister's death.  Tomorrow, February 24, marks a year since her passing.  I really haven't quite accepted her death.  Sometimes, I believe that it's all a bad dream, and that I'll wake up, pick up the phone, call her and talk with her again.  Logically, I understand this can't happen, but my heart is in complete denial.  How could God take a sweet, generous, funny, intelligent, woman like that away from me.  Not only have I lost my best friend/sister, but her only child, Courtney, my nephew, preceeded her in death.  Both died in the month of February.  It's all too surreal to me. 

I know my good is on its way -- a life of inner peace, total self-acceptance, and unconditional love.  My brain realizes that Life is a process -- sometimes long and arduous -- and I can't rush it.  But, as I look out the window and try to see past the clouds and the gloom onto brighter horizons, today I am wishing I was...

...in a field/meadow of lavendar
...already a yoga master
...had my own business (tea shop)
...in love with someone other than Vincent -- although he is the ULTIMATE (Vixens know what I mean)
...sailing my own sailboat in the Mediterranean or South Seas
...could fly
...my dream home

What is your, "today I wish I was wish"...?


  1. I came to you from Reya`s blog. I want to just sit beside you for a while and look out of the window. What a sad day for you, yes, I can feel it. But you are still here to live. Maybe for a purpose. We cannot know why things happen, not here and now. But life is good, as long as it lasts. My wish for you is to be happy again.

  2. Today I wish I was able to give up work completely. I'd still do voluntary stuff, but I've had enough wage slavery for one lifetime.

    I'm sorry to hear about your sister and nephew. Anniversaries are so hard.

  3. Angela -- I do so apprciate your sitting with me for awhile. Although I am grateful for my solitude, I do enjoy company. Thanx for your thoughtful words. Life is good - my life is good, and I do have a lot to be thankful for. Cheers!!

    Val -- "wage slavery", toooooooo cute/clever. Thanx so much for your caring words. Cheers Val!!

  4. I understand about anniversaries bringing back the loss very freshly. I hope the thawing of the spring brings you a peaceful flow of fresh energy. I am trying not to dwell on wishes (which usually connects to things I regret about my life) but to set some intentions that feel realistic and positive: the first in line is getting enough sleep!

  5. Hi, Bobby - I came over from BlissChick - blessings on this time of remembering!

    My dad was a twin (their BDs were Feb 27/28 - always celebrated his, the 28th, I teased it was so his sis could stretch out turning that next year) & my mom said it took him ~ 5 years to (mostly) stop missing sis.

    Like Mary Ellen, I tend toward intentions . . . the other night at dance class, I was waltzing with a friend to 'waltz across Texas' (with you in my arms, waltz across Texas with you) & joking about trying that - later he said 'we'll be gone next week - or maybe TWO weeks, waltzing across Texas . . . ' (& I don't believe I protested :)


  6. Mary Ellen -- Thank you very much for your cheerful and encouraging thoughts. Spring, which brings new hope, is one of my fave times of the year. Intentions are always motivated by energy. And, I sense you have lots of positive energy Mary Ellen. Cheers!!

    Dia -- Thanks for stopping by and for your warm concern. In the realm of human experiences, death seems to be the one thing that has the power to make us feel powerless. I think death is simply another way the nature of life calls upon us to change our perspective, and it takes a little time to process. Keep Waltzing! Cheers!!

  7. I am so, so sorry for your losses. :( I am a bit melancholy myself, as 2/23 marked 7 yrs since my dad was diagnosed w/ lung cancer (he died in June, 2003).

    Today I wish I was independently wealthy so that I could pursue a life of philanthropy.

  8. Lots of good thoughts coming your way from Willow Manor. xx

  9. Jo -- Thanks for your fond sentiments. I'm sorry you lost your father. What I am learning is that through death we grow to new heights of consciousness, new dimensions. We relate to our love ones on a higher echelon. Funny, even death has its wonders. Cheers!!

  10. Willow -- Thanks for your kind words. What a lovely gesture.

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