**Note: this post is in no way a disrespect or slight toward people who are grappling, struggling with the damaging effects of serious mental health challenges such as, bi-polar, manic depression, borderline, schizophrenia, substance abuse or any major mental health issue. if you suffer from any mental health problems, please seek professional help from a qualified therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist or the clergy.
this is a pretty long post as far as any i have posted before, but bear with me. i promise you will enjoy, and, perhaps, find yourselves. i know i did (found myself). haha.
growing up as a young woman i used to be a really trusting and oftentimes real gullible. i mean i used to be as green as a forest. i would innocently or perhaps not so innocently, believe all the half-cocked crap people would tell me. thinking they were just nice and wanted me to know stuff. why, i thought, would people just out and out lie, mislead you, tell untruths about who they are, what they could do and did. hindsight would suggest that it was, maybe, the manner in which i was raised - to trust, to believe.
all that virtuous innocence changed when my brother told his poor, naive sister to, "wake up! take what people say with a grain of salt." i mostly started understanding people and myself a bit more after taking courses in sociology, political science and psychology. and really began understanding them after reading two books - one titled sacred contracts by caroline myss, and the other titled emotional vampires by albert bernstein. i have a totally different view and a kinda of healthy respect for people, now. as far as i am concerned - EVERYONE IS SUSPECT!
in sacred contracts, ms. myss proposes that people are born to live out contracts (assigned tasks and lessons learned dished out by life). she states that we have made these agreements with life before taking on a human face - meaning before we were actually born. she asserts that we fulfill these contracts through our relationships with others.
ms. myss believes, as joseph campbell did - and others, that carl jung was spot on about humans embodying certain ARCHETYPES. an archetype is a mythical persona, or personality type. the most interesting point iv'e observed about this premise is that most people engage in life without an awareness that they're assuming these roles. for example, i used to date a man who embodied the rescuer/knight/mother type. but being a smart man himself, i think he might have known that he possessed these archetypes.
archetypes include but are not limited to warrior, trickster, clown, monk/nun, mystic, hermit, vampire, princess/damsel, knight, hero, advocate, detective, addict, bully, student, seeker, teacher, guide, rebel, lover, thief, queen, beggar, gambler, judge, wizard/magician, king, servant, and rescuer - sorta like the images on a tarot deck.
caroline myss asserts that we each have our own unique - about twelve - set of roles/types that we adopt, but that we ALL, without exception, embody these four (4) basic ones. and, like me, you may not like them or want to own up to them, but they nonetheless exist. here are the four chief archetypes: the child (orphan or abandoned, wounded, magical, nature or divine), the victim, the saboteur and the prostitute. these, caroline myss says, are our "guardians that guide and protect us whenever we are in danger of some sort. for instance, the prostitute might come out when we are in the process of making a deal in which we might be selling ourselves out. or the victim might emerge when we feel someone is taking the advantage of us and we stand up to that person. the saboteur will come out when we are in the process of behaving in a way that might be damaging to us. interesting?
the child is the guardian of innocence; the victim is the guardian of self-esteem; the saboteur is the guardian of choice and the prostitute is the guardian of faith. all archetypes have there negative and positive sides.
in emotional vampires mr. beernstein emphasizes that there are people who have certain characteristics (emphasis on characteristics) or traits of personality disorders that emotionally drain you. they are not really vampires but the way they behave drain you emotionally. sapping all your vitality, energy and money, too, if you let them. in his book, he teaches how you can effectively deal with these people. emotional vampires can be your boss, friends, neighbors, mail carrier, doctor, even you own husband, brother, wife or child. he calls them "children of the night."
and heeeeeeeeeere they are: antisocial - they are witty, charming and high-risk takers who demand excitement - stay far, far, away from these types or you will be very sorry. histrionic - these vampires require too much attention and approval. always needing to be the center of attention - for your own sanity don't go near these folks. narcissistic - these folk invented the song "mi, mi, mi, mi." - run as fast as you can away from these people or they will wear you down real quick. obsessive compulsive - how much is too much? these are the control freaks - they really overpower you. and last but not least the paranoid - seeing things that ain't there. once they get it in their minds that you are not on their side - WATCH OUT! these types question everything you do, they become very suspicious. everything you do and everyone you talk to is suspect. trust is a big issue with these people - head out the door fast.
well, what do you think? do know any people like those? do you see yourself in any type?
cheers!!
this joke reminds me of my daughter, who for the past couple of years upon seeing me says, "you really do need to color your hair. you are starting to "look" like my mother." out of the mouths of babes. ya gotta love em, eh?
one day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. she suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.
she looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "why are some of your hairs white, mom?" her mother replied, "well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
the little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" LOL!
cheers!!
i like to change my blog background. perhaps some of ya'll noticed. call it my inner interior designer.
a couple of years ago i changed my background to red. but one of my blogbuddies said that the color disturbed her - that she was unable to read clearly my writings. she had said that it was something related to the color red. so i stopped using red in my background. i happen to LOVE the color red. however, if any one feels that they can not read my posts because the background effects their sight, please let me know and i will change to another color. cheers!!
normally i don't like to post pictures of family, or myself for that matter - call me paranoid. especially in this day and age.
however, i want to introduce you to this beautiful woman who ismy mother. growing up we (my siblings and i) had major fun hanging out with this lady. although she was firm and stern she was a joy to be around and she loved doing things with her children. all her children were heavily involved in school activities from football, cheerleader, drama/plays, chorus, debate teams, baseball. and she went to ALL those events. she would just pile us up in the car and go - wherever, whenever. we just had a ball. if you were with my mom while she was out shopping, you knew you were going to get a treat. that's just the kind of mother she was. always full of wonderful surprises.
another wonderful aspect of my mother - which i inherited - was that she was very generous of spirit and pocketbook. i mean there were certain kids in the neighborhood who would come to our house on a regular basis and my mom would feed them and talk to them - they would just hang out. she was fashionable, smart, candid, even-tempered, gentle, easy to talk to, and had a great sense of humor, which many of her friends admired. i think she was in her late teens or early twenties in this photo. i look a lot like her. i have many fond memories of my mom. even today i get compliments about my mom.
what are your favorite memories of your mother or father or guardian? cheers!!
hello
i haven't been posting for a minute because i've been so crazy busy. not that that's a good thing. i really prefer to relax and have fun. but some things need attention. i shall be back soon and with a vengence - LOL! every now and then i will peek in to see what fun, crazy, exciting and sometimes serious posts my blogbuddies are posting, but i won't be commenting - perhaps giggling a little.
so everyone have a good ol' time, have fun with friends and family, shop til ya drop, dance and sing. hmmm, did i miss anything? oh yea, LOVE yourselves unconditionally. accept all your flaws, faults - all the shadow aspects therein. cheers!!
mentor
noun - an experienced and trusted adviser
verb - advise or train
mentor -- in greek mythology, a friend of odysseus and tutor of his son telemachus - who was entrusted to guide and care for him while odysseus went off to fight the trojan war.
the old african proverb that "it takes a village to raise a child" is absolutely true. children no matter what race, age, socio-economic background, or educational level need adults to care about their welfare and well-being; to show them how to grow into responsible and caring adults. children need heroes, role models, and mentors. however, there are distinct differences among the three. a hero is someone whose achievements we admire. a role model is someone whose behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes we try to emulate. a mentor is someone whose beliefs, behaviors and attitudes we want to mimic and someone who helps build character, gives wise counsel, is a confidant - a trusted friend.
i remember growing up that i had such people in my life. adults who showed they cared about me and my brothers and sisters and the other children in the neighborhood. they showed concern by asking us how are grades were, what were we learning, how are you doing, are you behaving yourself. my community was filled with doctors, teachers, postal workers - all who saw to it that we were taken care of. you could not turn the corner without knowing that there was someone who took interest in your life and who set you on the right track if you got off. if they caught you doing something you had no business doing, they reprimanded you and then told your parents - and then your parents reprimanded you, too. what i mean by reprimand is -- you got a whupping, sometimes. other times you got that "look."
even the corner, family-owed italian grocers guided and advised you on your wrong doings if they caught you doing something not in keeping with the correct character and values of the community and family. they knew, respected, and admired my entire family - from my hard-working father to my dignified mother. and they let me know it every time they saw me. they would brag about how much respect and love they had for my parents. i had to fill some pretty big shoes. i have honored all these wonderful relationships because they have made me what i am today.
however, many of today's children are missing this vital link of community and family. they have no one to help guide them into adulthood; no one to listen to. no one to show them opportunities, or broaden their horizons. still, there are many adults who see the need for mentoring. spending quality time, effort, money and other resources to guide, befriend children. opening not only the child's world, but the child's family to a host of experiences beyond what they encounter in their daily lives.
shirley chisholm, the first black woman to be elected to the us congress - and of course one of my mentors states, "service is the rent you pay for room on this earth." i believe she was right. mentoring is a fantastic way to give back to community - it's a two-way street. you can learn from a mentee just as much as they learn from you. you both grow in so many wonderful ways. there is a joy that one experiences when investing in the future of young people.
are you now mentoring someone or have you ever been a mentor?
