Thursday, August 7, 2014

know thyself, know others

**Note:  this post is in no way a disrespect or slight toward people who are grappling, struggling with the damaging effects of  serious mental health challenges such as, bi-polar, manic depression, borderline, schizophrenia, substance abuse or any major mental health issue.  if you suffer from any mental health problems, please seek professional help from a qualified therapist, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist or the clergy.  

this is a pretty long post as far as any i have posted before, but bear with me.  i promise you will enjoy, and, perhaps, find yourselves.  i know i did (found myself). haha.

growing up as a young woman i used to be a really trusting and oftentimes real gullible.  i mean i used to be as green as a forest.  i would innocently or perhaps not so innocently, believe all the half-cocked crap people would tell me.  thinking they were just nice and wanted me to know stuff.  why, i thought, would people just out and out lie, mislead you, tell untruths about who they are, what they could do and did.  hindsight would suggest that it was, maybe, the manner in which i was raised - to trust, to believe. 

all that virtuous innocence changed when my brother told his poor, naive sister to, "wake up!  take what people say with a grain of salt."  i mostly started understanding people and myself a bit more after taking courses in sociology, political science and psychology.  and really began understanding them after reading two books - one titled sacred contracts by caroline myss, and the other titled emotional vampires by albert bernstein.  i have a totally different view and a kinda of healthy respect for people, now.  as far as i am concerned - EVERYONE IS SUSPECT!  

in sacred contracts, ms. myss proposes that people are born to live out contracts (assigned tasks and lessons learned dished out by life).  she states that we have made these agreements with life before taking on a human face - meaning before we were actually born.  she asserts that we fulfill these contracts through our relationships with others.  

ms. myss believes, as joseph campbell did - and others, that carl jung was spot on about humans embodying certain ARCHETYPES.  an archetype is a mythical persona, or personality type.  the most interesting point iv'e observed about this premise is that most people engage in life without an awareness that they're assuming these roles.  for example, i used to date a man who embodied the rescuer/knight/mother type.  but being a smart man himself, i think he might have known that he possessed these archetypes.  

archetypes include but are not limited to warrior, trickster, clown, monk/nun, mystic, hermit, vampire, princess/damsel, knight, hero, advocate, detective, addict, bully, student, seeker, teacher, guide, rebel, lover, thief, queen, beggar, gambler, judge, wizard/magician, king, servant, and rescuer - sorta like the images on a tarot deck.

caroline myss asserts that we each have our own unique - about twelve - set of roles/types that we adopt, but that we ALL, without exception, embody these four (4) basic ones.  and, like me, you may not like them or want to own up to them, but they nonetheless exist.  here are the four chief archetypes:  the child (orphan or abandoned, wounded, magical, nature or divine), the victim, the saboteur and the prostitute.  these, caroline myss says, are our "guardians that guide and protect us whenever we are in danger of some sort.  for instance, the prostitute might come out when we are in the process of making a deal in which we might be selling ourselves out.  or the victim might emerge when we feel someone is taking the advantage of us and we stand up to that person.  the saboteur will come out when we are in the process of behaving in a way that might be damaging to us.  interesting?  

the child is the guardian of innocence; the victim is the guardian of self-esteem; the saboteur is the guardian of choice and the prostitute is the guardian of faith.  all archetypes have there negative and positive sides.


in emotional vampires mr. beernstein emphasizes that there are people who have certain characteristics (emphasis on characteristics) or traits of personality disorders that emotionally drain you.  they are not really vampires but the way they behave drain you emotionally.  sapping all your vitality, energy and money, too, if you let them.  in his book, he teaches how you can effectively deal with these people.  emotional vampires can be your boss, friends, neighbors, mail carrier, doctor, even you own husband, brother, wife or child.  he calls them "children of the night."  

and heeeeeeeeeere they are: antisocial - they are witty, charming and high-risk takers who demand excitement - stay far, far, away from these types or you will be very sorry.  histrionic - these vampires require too much attention and approval.  always needing to be the center of attention - for your own sanity don't go near these folks.  narcissistic these folk invented the song "mi, mi, mi, mi." - run as fast as you can away from these people or they will wear you down real quick.  obsessive compulsive - how much is too much?  these are the control freaks - they really overpower you.  and last but not least the paranoid  - seeing things that ain't there.  once they get it in their minds that you are not on their side - WATCH OUT!  these types question everything you do, they become very suspicious.  everything you do and everyone you talk to is suspect.  trust is a big issue with these people - head out the door fast. 

well, what do you think?  do know any people like those?  do you see yourself in any type?  

cheers!!











15 comments:

  1. Fascinating post! I'm a big believer in the Jungian archetypes. My "go to" books are the Myers-Briggs personality types and "Goddesses in Every Woman" by Jean Shinoda Bolen. SO helpful in understanding ourselves and others! I read Caroline Myss's book also and found it valuable.

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    1. i need to read goddess book. that sound very exciting. jung was revolutionary! glad he broke away from freud. myss writes beautifully. have a fun-filled weekend. cheers!!

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  2. Interesting post. From the way you behaved when you were younger, it sounds like we were separated at birth. I was soooooo gullible and trusting. Still am, to a certain extent.

    Like Debra already said, the Myers-Briggs personality types are pretty interesting, too. Years ago, our adult Sunday school class read a book about it, and took the test. My hubby and I both were both typed as extroverts, which wasn't surprising, but on all four of the other typing, we were complete opposites. I guess that's okay, though. Forty-five years plus, and we're still married.

    If you haven't already read it, another book you might like is "I'm Okay; You're Okay." I don't remember the author's name offhand, but it shouldn't be hard to find. It was a very popular book in the '70s.

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    1. sue, im still a little gullible. 45 years (and counting) is TERRIFIC! i heard of im ok, your ok. now i must read. have a great weekend sue. cheers!!

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  3. What a great post! So profound. And so profoundly accurate about personalities/characters, etc! Unfortunately, the education I received that knocked me out of my innocent and naïve state that belonged to my youth was in real time. I circulated with honest to goodness authentic manipulators, schemers, thieves, liars, energy sappers, etc, for quite some time. They practically drained the life out of me! By the time I got out of that life, I was like a plant that had been placed in a dark corner and hardly ever given water. I survived all that, became a stronger, smarter, sharper individual, and can now detect a bullshitter/manipulator/bloodsucking/lying/mean-spirited person from a mile away! I consider this a superpower. All those years didn't go to waste. There were some heavy duty life lessons in there.

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  4. im so glad you were able to loosen that bondage, hellish grip. for some of us it takes a while and courage. and your writings/posts prove that you a are stronger, smarter and sharper individual. have a fantastic weekend martha. cheers!!

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  5. Oh dear, my dear, how much time do you have to discuss this? LOL. I'll just say "yes" to both of your final questions. I love the title, Emotional Vampires. It's appropriately descriptive. Like you, I don't judge mental illness. I've been open about my challenges with chronic depression. I've lived and worked with folks with all sorts of mental health challenges. Most crazy-making is the person who is clearly grappling with OCD, for example, but doesn't even acknowledge it. I credit people for working on their issues. I don't respect those who refuse to acknowledge them.

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    1. robyn you crack me up - truly. as we both have a social work background i had a feeling this topic would strike you. the people i describe here in this post are the slicksters who try to pull one over on people, use and abuse them, cheat them, etc. cheers!!

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  6. I've heard about this before, but never really studied it. As an author, I should definitely learn more about that.

    I think that I am a rescuer, because I'm constantly doing that with people and pets. I worked with someone once who was paranoid (you can't even communicate with them properly, because they always hear something entirely different). And my cat used to be narcissistic, histrionic, anti-social and obsessive compulsive.

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    1. you are not alone in identifying with the rescuer type. many people attempt to "save" others. just be careful that that does not turn into martyrdom. i have identified myself with the hermit type quite a bit. not that i dont enjoy being around people - i do - its just that i get a better sense of who i am when i am alone being introspected. cheers!!

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  7. Great post! those books sound fascinating.. and quite helpful. I've been naive in my time, and can still be, yet can be a bit of a warrior too. i'm still trying to work out me
    Hmm very informative post :)

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    1. those books are great for anyone wishing to find out more about themselves dawna. most people are afraid to confront themselves to change. good for you. cheers!!

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  8. I can tend to become a little obsessive compulsive sometimes. Other times I can be antisocial. I guess it just depends on the day.

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  9. Ohhh yeahhh I know people like this. However, I think at one time or another we all share these traits. It is keeping them in balance that makes us NOT emotional Vamps. BTW I love this picture of the Vampire.
    Nicole/Beadwright

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  10. you are so right. all of us are capable of going in either direction. thanks. cheers!!

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